STICKY FOR JOKES

[Major]

Diane Abbott has called for the BBC to stop filming Casualty and Holby City so the staff can help out with the coronavirus outbreak ...

[Gabby]

All sporting events cancelled .... but plenty of live boxing can be seen in Morrisons, Asda, Tesco, Aldi, Lidl etc!

[Major]

All sporting events cancelled .... but plenty of live boxing can be seen in Morrisons, Asda, Tesco, Aldi, Lidl etc!

I love a laff.

[Rolluplostinspace]

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around you are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?"

The Prime Minster walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Boris. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, he answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Pence ran in to his friend Jack Murphy in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Jack, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Jack Murphy answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!"

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle: It's my friend Jack Murphy!"

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It's Boris Johnson!"

[Major]

Nurse - are my testicles black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"

[xtras1]

Just heard that there will be a round of applause for courier and delivery drivers tomorrow


It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.#

[Major]

Just heard that there will be a round of applause for courier and delivery drivers tomorrow


It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.#

:smsl:

[chinchin]

20 Jokes About How 'Nature Is Healing' Thanks to the Quarantine:

https://www.distractify.com/p/nature-is-healing-jokes

[chinchin]

20 Jokes About How 'Nature Is Healing' Thanks to the Quarantine:

https://www.distractify.com/p/nature-is-healing-jokes

[Major]

Just heard that there will be a round of applause for courier and delivery drivers tomorrow


It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.#

:smsl:

I hear there will be a mammoth clap tonite for all those MASSSSSSSSSIVE contributors to forums who have had their avatars peevishly nicked and replaced by a rude one.

[common sense]

Little Billy and Lucy are only 12 years old,
But they know they are in love.


One day they decide that they want to get married,
So Billy goes to Lucy's father to ask him for her hand.


Billy bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Lucy are in love
And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."


Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Billy, you're only 12. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Billy replies,
"In Lucy's room. It's bigger than mine
And we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable,
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Lucy."

Again, Billy instantly replies, "Our pocket money,
Lucy gets five pounds a week
and I get 8 pounds that's about 52 pounds a month;
so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Billy has put so much thought into this.

"Well Billy, it seems like you have everything worked out.
I just have one more question.

What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"

Billy just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

[Major]

If anyone decides to make a face mask out of an old bra, please ensure you use the left side...

You don't want to look like a right tit!

[common sense]

2 VD germs cross the road and nearly get run over and one turns to the other and says "thought i was a goner here".

[common sense]

Dianne Abbott on the phone. "Jeremy it's me Dianne. Have just arrived in Scotland. Where's Loch Down?"


She's taking a Covid 19 test later and just Tweeted that she's confident of passing as she's been up all night revising for it.

[xtras1]

Dianne Abbott on the phone. "Jeremy it's me Dianne. Have just arrived in Scotland. Where's Loch Down?"


She's taking a Covid 19 test later and just Tweeted that she's confident of passing as she's been up all night revising for it.

Haha loch down

I can actually imagine her saying that ..