STICKY FOR JOKES

[Major]

Is there a sticky for jokes on Dogs? or where does one post them?

[Major]

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.
The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having sex; the man in the photo was her husband and the woman was the pharmacist's wife. He then says, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

[Major]

When I came here in about 2009 Stooo used to allow ANY jokes, NOW it looks like everyone is SCARED to telll ANY JOKES at all.

What say you Stooo???????????????????????

[Stooo]

You look like an arse, har har.

[Major]

You look like an arse, har har.

He who Laffs last, Laffs the longest. ha ha

[Stooo]

You look like an arse, har har.

He who Laffs last, Laffs the longest. ha ha

So it seems, har har.

[Major]

You look like an arse, har har.

He who Laffs last, Laffs the longest. ha ha

So it seems, har har.

What has made you change Stooo???????

[Stooo]

You look like an arse, har har.

He who Laffs last, Laffs the longest. ha ha

So it seems, har har.

What has made you change Stooo???????

From what? Be quick.

[Major]

You look like an arse, har har.

He who Laffs last, Laffs the longest. ha ha

So it seems, har har.

What has made you change Stooo???????

From what? Be quick.

You used to be ANYTHING GOES.

Anyway I am tired now, goodnight

BTW, sort out my NUTTER avi or I will join Canary

[apple crumble]

Dude take his car to the mechanic.

Mechanic asks what happened??

Started the car, shifted gear into Drive, then 1, shortly after two then three, till I was going relay fast then moved it to Racing.

[Gabby]

BBC NEWS: First positive case of coronavirus in Scotland...... at last, some positive news from Scotland!

[Major]

A jockey is about to enter a race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘AAALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is just fooling around, but he promises to shout the command. The race begins, and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey decides to ignore the trainer’s ridiculous advice.

The horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers, “Aaallleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens — the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “AAALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problem. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is steaming mad. He hollers at the jockey, “What’s wrong with you?! What the @#$! happened out there?!” The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me! It’s this dang horse. Is he deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf? Deaf?! He’s not deaf. He’s blind!”

[Major]

We had burglars last night, they did not take my Rolex watch but nicked the toilet rolls.

[Gabby]

We had burglars last night, they did not take my Rolex watch but nicked the toilet rolls.

..... it’s only funny coming from you, Major.... because it’s been done to death already!

[Major]

I am not surprised Gabby, I do like a laff.