Dogs Sleeping Forum

After our 16 year-old daughter had opened her last present I asked my wife if we should tell her the great news. " OMG You got me Taylor Swift tickets?" she screamed. "No, you're adopted"

I just saw a homeless dwarf selling the Little Issue

On his last tour of Ireland, the Pope was asked what he thought of County Down.

“I preferred it when Carol Vorderman was in it”, he replied.

Wife's upset. Wants to throw herself under a train and says I don't care or help her. So been out and bought her a fucking timetable....

Our lodger couldn't pay his rent this month. He asked if there was another way of covering the payment.

I brought the wife in, naked.

Fastest fucking cash payment I've ever seen.

I've been meditating and pondering in the garden.

I'm no fortune teller but my fuchsia looks bright.

Dad...there's a woman in't freezer."

"It's ok, that's Aunt Bessie."

Not many people are called Lance these days.

But in medieval times, people were called Lance a lot.

A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out. The son returns a year later and tells his father that he has converted to Christianity. The father is upset and calls his friend who is also Jewish. “You won’t believe this, my son David moved out for a year and came back and told me he converted to Christianity.” His friend says, “you won’t believe this...my son Benjamin moved away for a year and when he came back HE converted to Christianity too”! Both upset, they call their rabbi and explain what happened. The rabbi says, “you won’t believe this, my son Joshua moved away and when HE came back he told me he converted to Christianity too”! The rabbi suggests they call God and tell him. The rabbi tells God that all three men had sons who moved away and converted to Christianity and don’t know what to do. God says to them, “you won’t believe this...

Watching the recent Yorkshire Ripper dramatization on itv, I was shocked and frankly shaken

At what you could get for a fiver in those days....

The Whitehouse have announce that Joe Biden will be in 3 states today...

Unconscious, Semi-Conscious, and Confused.

CS… I ain’t surprised you’re the only one in this thread with no laughs!!

This vegan was giving me a lecture of the benefits of water."Too much is bad for you, "I said."Never heard such rubbish in my life, " he snapped at me."OK, "I answered, "didn't do the Titanic and it's passengers much good, did it?"

My wife and I thought we'd spice things up in the bedroom with a little role play. I asked her what she is into and she explained that she liked a certain someone from the tv. "Masculine, beard, strong, carries a hammer around", she said with a smile and a wink.

Anyone know a fancy dress shop that does Yorkshire Ripper outfits?

Dear Jim...."Hi My name is May. I play the violin. Could you Fix it for me to meet another fiddler."